And so, I’ve moved again. The tenth time in 20 years. I consider this proof of my madness. Who moves ten times in 20 years? Mad men. That’s who. Mad men, and people on the run. Despite what most people believe, I’m not running away from anything. Ergo, therefore: madness.
Twenty-five years ago, I had a near-death experience. In that…dream (for lack of a better word)…I met a goddess. The Goddess, as I would come to call her. She told me to live my life in service to others. Find people who need help, and help them. And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. Oh, it’s not the only thing I’ve been doing. I’ve been living my life along the way, too. But that calling to find people and help them has been my driving force for 25 years now.
When I left Auburn over 20 years ago to move to Chicago, I felt very strongly that I was being called. I could hear the voice of the Goddess, clear as a bell, telling me that my destiny was waiting for me there. And it was…although it wasn’t quite the destiny I imagined, or wanted. Still, everything worked out even better than I could have planned it. I made some good friends, I helped some people, and I had a few good adventures. All in all, it was a good time.
The pattern has repeated itself with every move since then. Each time, I have felt like I was called, or even pulled, to my next destination. Each time, I found new people who needed me, and I helped them. As much as I could, in whatever ways I could. Along the way, I had some good times and some bad times, but always an adventure.
I have also known when it was time to move on to the next stop. Again, I would feel the pull. I could feel myself starting to detach, and it’s almost like the entire universe was shifting around me to facilitate another move. Some doors would start closing around me while others started opening. Each time, if I tried to leave too early, I could almost feel the resistance around me. But when the time was right, all the resistance would fall away, and everything would happen almost too quickly and easily to believe.
Believe. Therein lies my problem.
I no longer believe in the Goddess, or fate, or anything, really. Everything I’ve ever believed has been proven to me to be nothing but lies. There is no God. There is no Goddess. There’s no fate, no destiny, no karma. There’s just us: Humanity. A fragile race in a hostile world with no saviors or protectors in sight.
And yet, I still hear the calling. I still feel the pull. I still feel the universe shifting around me. Even now, with this most recent move, I felt the hand of fate picking me up and carrying me to my new destination. I know there are people here who need me, and that I will meet them, and help them.
I hold this tension of opposites between belief and non-belief because I must. What choice do I have? If we are all we’ve got, then we owe it to each other to give it all we’ve got. If no one is coming to save us, we should all do our part to save ourselves and each other. If this world…if this life…is all we have, then it’s up to us to make it as good as we can. We do that by loving one another. Listening to one another. Helping one another. We do it by answering the call…even if there is no call.
Join me, won’t you? No matter what you believe (or don’t believe), we can work together to make the world a better place for everyone.