“Love will find a way…I know.” ~Tesla
We are living in a time of unprecedented fear and uncertainty. A deadly virus is raging around the world, with no end in sight. violence is exploding in the United States (and around the world) as people fight for their most basic and fundamental right…the right to exist. Politicians and authority figures have showed us that it’s okay to hate each other, and that it’s okay for us to lash out in fear and anger. The voices of peace and unity are being drowned in a tidal wave of hatred.
I, myself, have been affected deeply by the events of the world. I am loathe to call myself an empath, simply because I’ve known too many people who claimed to be empaths, yet were completely devoid of empathy. I’m starting to believe that the easiest way to spot a narcissist is by reading the empath labels they wear on their name tags. So, I don’t claim to be an empath…but I do feel things deeply and love with all my heart. When the world hurts…I hurt.
With all the people hurting in the world, I have been in much pain. The pain and the fear very nearly consumed me. I lost my faith in the divine, in humanity, and even in myself. When I lost my faith, I lost my ability to cope with the world. I’ve been drowning in fear and anger for three years now. However, I think I’m ready to come out of it (finally).
You’re probably thinking that I’m about to tell you that I reconnected with my faith, and that’s why I’m feeling better. Alas, dear reader, t’was not meant to be.
I tried. Lord knows, I tried. I spent a year with a spiritual teacher, trying so hard to reconnect with the goddess, or any other god or goddess. I even tried reconnecting with Jesus and the Christian god. Anything…anyone…just so I wouldn’t feel so damned alone. I did a lot of inner work and healing of old wounds. I worked on forgiveness and releasing my anger. All of this, in an effort to reconnect to the divine and return to a past version of myself. It didn’t work. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t go back to being the person I used to be.
When I first realized that I couldn’t go back, I sank into an even deeper depression. I felt more lonely than I’ve ever felt before. I was so scared, and I felt so lost. The world is a dark and scary place, and I felt like I had lost whatever protection I had from it.
But then I realized that I don’t need to be protected from the world. I don’t need gods, or guardian angels, or anything like that, because I have myself. I don’t need faith in any external being, because I have faith in myself. I know who I am, and I know what I can do, I’m charming, witty, funny, and smart. I connect with people easily and forge friendships that last for a lifetime. I love people with my whole heart, and because of that, good people gravitate to me. I’ll probably never be the strongest, toughest, or fastest person in the room…but I don’t have to be. I have spent a lifetime overcoming challenges, and so I know I can solve any problem I need to solve, and I can get myself through any hardship I encounter. In myself I trust.
That’s how I know that everything is going to be okay. I trust myself, and I trust my ability to be loving and compassionate. I know that there are many other loving and compassionate people in the world, and that we will all work together (and separately) to heal the world.
The world will heal, as will the hearts of those who are hurting. Not the whole world, and not all of the people…but enough. There are many people like me in the world loving people and helping others whenever they can, in whatever ways they can. People doing big, complex things like organizing protests, developing vaccines, and treating patients; and people doing small, random acts of kindness every day. With every act of love, whether big or small, we are working together to make the world better for all of us.
A friend of mine once said, “Love one another.” If we can all just do that much, even just a little bit, then love will find a way.
Love Always,
Jay
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