As I lie in bed, the light of the full moon bathes me in a soft and warm embrace. I reach up to pull the blinds apart, and I see her gazing lovingly down on me. She comforts me in a way that nothing else in this world can, bringing me peace and comfort in troubled times, and a warmth to my soul when the air around me is so cold.
It is a time of deep contemplation and exploration. I have come to realize that, for the past few years, I have been going through this midlife “thing.” I suppose that it could have been called a crisis up until these past few days, but only because I had no clue what was going on, or how to deal with it. Now that I’ve come to understand what has been happening, I’m rather enjoying it.
Quietly observing the shedding of my persona, and the emergence of my shadow, has been fascinating to say the least. Seeing all the things that have been hidden inside my unconsciousness, and learning to accept them as an integral part of myself, has been more rewarding and “enlightening” than anything else I’ve ever experienced before. I’m saying things and doing things that I never would have dared before, and it’s liberating. Liberating, but not always easy.
Anyone who has followed my journey these past few years has been well aware of the difficulties I’ve faced. At least some of them. Others have remained private, too painful to share with anyone except my closest friends. I’ve lost important friendships, and I’ve had to cut important people out of my life. There have been many tears, and much frustration. I’m sure there’s even more to come in the years ahead. I also know that this isn’t a straight-forward process that can be easily navigated. It’s not a “once and then you’re done” quick fix, but rather a cyclical process that takes place over an entire lifetime. My hope is that, now that I am aware of it, I can continue to enjoy the process as it plays out in my life.
Increased awareness leads to decreased struggle.