How to Make the World A Better Place

May 8, 2012 | Author: JaySchryer

Earth Photo by NASA

For the past 15 years, I have been obsessed with making the world a better place. I negotiated deals which brought in over $70,000 per year to Habitat for Humanity. I raised over $90,000 for a charity that granted end-of-life wishes to adults facing terminal illness. I personally granted two of those wishes while I worked there. I raised another $10,000 for various small, local non-profit agencies. I helped start two international non-profit agencies: one that delivered clothing and toys to orphanages in the middle east, and another which helps women empower themselves around the world. I have donated over $25,000 of my own money to various non-profits, and volunteered over 5,000 hours of my time.

All of that is above and beyond the paid work that I have done for charity. It doesn’t count the grants that I got paid to write, the fundraisers that I got paid to produce, or the marketing work that I was hired to do. It doesn’t count the websites that I built, the procedural manuals that I wrote, or the public service announcements that I produced. It doesn’t count the volunteer management programs I created, the databases that I cleaned up, or the paperwork that I filed.

If it sounds like I’m bragging, well, that’s because I am. I am proud of the work I have done, and the results I have achieved. Aside from insanely rich and powerful people, I don’t know anyone who has had that kind of positive effect on the world.

But here’s the thing: I’m done.

For the past year, I have focused mainly on myself and my close friends and family. Oh, I’ve made a few donations here and there. I donated $150 to fight hunger and $20 for clean water, but my focus has been on my immediate circle. The people I love…how can I make their world a better place? How can I ease the burden of those closest to me? And (most importantly, some would say) how can I make my own world a better place? What can I do to take care of myself, so that I may serve others from my overflow of love and abundance? These questions direct my focus, and my actions. I’m not interested in solving world hunger anymore…but if I know someone who is in danger of going hungry, I will buy groceries for them.

Mostly, I’m just focusing on loving people, listening to them, and holding space in my heart for them. I am focusing on “seeing” people in an Avatar-esque kind of way. Seeing who they are on the inside, at the deepest levels, beneath their stories, regrets, and fears. Heart-to-Heart, Soul-to-Soul…me and you; you and me. I am not a trained counselor (maybe someday), and my advice is almost laughably bad…but I can listen with an open heart, and I can connect with an open soul. I am no longer interested in helping thousands of people at a time. Instead, I am focusing on individuals, and making the world a better place one heart at a time. However, that leaves a hole in the Universe…which is where YOU come in…

Throwing Down the Gauntlet

I want someone to take over the BIG charity stuff. I want someone to step up to the plate, and make a HUGE difference in the world. I want someone to make me look bad. I estimate my total charitable contributions to be around $250,000. I want someone to double that…or better yet…quadruple it. I want to read about someone who has raised a million dollars for charities around the world. Not someone like Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey…just an ordinary person busting their ass to make the world a better place. Make it your life-long (or maybe just a decade or two) mission. 10 years at 100,000 per year puts you in the millionaire club. That’s not an easy goal…but it should be possible. Enlist your friends to help.

If you’re stuck for ideas…here’s a few:

Join Americorps (I did three years)

Join the Peace Corps

Create your own non-profit

Pick a charity you love, and organize fundraisers for them. Think big: benefit concerts, charity dinners, celebrity meet-and greets.

Contact celebrities. Get them to donate big bucks.

Convince your boss to start a corporate charitable donations program. Offer to organize it on your own time.

Learn how to write grants (it’s not hard). Write grants for charities on a volunteer basis.

 

And if you don’t want to start big…start small and let it snowball. Just do one thing…and then do another. Get five of your friends to give you $5 each. Take the money to your local animal shelter (or whatever). Congratulations! You just raised $25 to make the world a better place. Next week, try for $100!

Just do something. Anything. For you, for your friends, for strangers, for the whole world. Do something good.

Love Always,

Jay

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The Burden

April 28, 2012 | Author: JaySchryer

My life is a pain in the ass.

Correction: My disability is a pain in the ass. But since my disability affects every single motherfuckin area of my life…I guess it fits.

Oh, I might slip out of “nice” mode for this post. I probably should have warned you about that first, huh?

I hate to whine, and I hate posting negativity…but I can’t help it. I’m just so fucking sick and tired of everything being so damned difficult. Going to the store is a pain in the ass. Going anywhere is a pain in the ass. Meeting friends for fun times is a pain in the ass. Cooking is a pain in the ass. Going out to eat is a pain in the ass. Eating my meals is a pain in the ass. Going to the bathroom is a pain in the ass. Taking a shower is a pain in the ass. Trying to find a place to live is a pain in the ass. Moving is a HUGE pain in the ass (moving so much recently, and trying to find a place to live, is what prompted this by the way). Hell, even getting out of bed is a pain in the ass. Writing, typing, even holding a book open so I can read it…all pains in the ass.

And I don’t think anyone really realizes it. Partially, that’s because (as I already said) I hate to whine, and I hate to complain. I think that even the people who are physically present in my life don’t really realize how hard ordinary activities are for me. Besides. What good would it do to complain anyway? Life is hard for everyone…why should I add my burden to anyone else’s load?

And that brings me to the crux of the matter…

I have been happily single for over a year now. I mean, really happily single. I haven’t even wanted to date anyone. Which is just as well, because I don’t think I’ll ever date anyone ever again. It just wouldn’t be fair…

The other day, it hit me: the only thing worse than being disabled (in my mind) would be watching someone I love struggle with it. To love someone through those tears, through those pains, through those challenges…it would break my heart over and over again. I honestly don’t know if I would be strong enough to take that.

If I’m not willing to give it to someone else…what right do I have to ask anyone to give it to me?

None.

Love Always,

Jay

 

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Unacceptable

March 17, 2012 | Author: JaySchryer

I sat down with my notebook and a pen, and I started writing down the names of all the women in my life. Friends, lovers, relatives…women I know in “real” life and women I only know through the internet. New friends placed next to old friends, lovers sprinkled throughout, and relatives punctuating the edges. I stopped when I reached 100 women.

Naturally, the mind works on familiarity, and so this list wasn’t really “random” at all, but it wasn’t supposed to be. This list was the 100 women closest to me in that particular moment. They were the ones I thought of first, when I asked myself the question: “Who are the women in my life?”

After compiling my list, I tore the paper into little strips, with one name per strip. 100 strips of paper, each one blessed with the name of one beautiful woman in my life (and you’re all beautiful. You know that, right?)

I placed all the strips into a pile in front of me, and then I made space for three more piles: raped, abused, and I don’t know.

I picked up each piece of paper, blessed it, kissed it, and then placed it in the appropriate pile.

It wasn’t long before I noticed a flaw in my experiment. One name…someone who had been both raped and severely abused. What to do with her name? Is one worse than the other? Does one “trump” the other? I didn’t really think so…

So I merged the “rape” and “severely abused” piles into one. Then I had two piles: “Violence” and “I don’t know.”

When I finished, there were only five slips of paper in the “I don’t know” pile.

Five.

95% of the women in my life have suffered some form of violence; either rape or severe abuse.

I cried, because I didn’t know what else to do. I still don’t know what to do, other than write this post, and to hold the women in my life a little more tenderly, a little more gently, a little more lovingly. My heart aches for you…

I’m sorry that it happened. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop it. I’m sorry if I ever said anything or did anything to make it worse. I’m sorry if I laughed about it, joked about it, or otherwise made you feel “less than” because of it. I’m sorry if you tried to tell me but I didn’t believe you, or didn’t listen. I’m so, so sorry…..

Men, this is unacceptable. We have got to start doing better.

Support Violence Unsilenced.

Love Always,

Jay

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The Dark Knight Rises

February 27, 2012 | Author: JaySchryer

Photo by King Haan

“And what can I say? Cause I can’t be…the one you wanted me to be.” ~Sarah McLachlan

I try to be good. I really do. Every single day I work hard to make myself a more loving, kind, and compassionate person. I work on being an active listener when people need one. I strive to provide support and encouragement to everyone I encounter. I do my best to share smiles with strangers and perform random acts of kindness as much as possible. I strive to be patient and understanding, withholding prejudice and judgment.

I am not always successful.

Just like everyone else in this world, I have my wounded places, and my shadow. And when those wounds get probed, my shadow comes out. It’s not pretty when that happens. I become sarcastic and condescending, and I can toss out verbal barbs with the best of them. I can be petty and jealous and insecure. My faults, it seems, are legion.

I’ve been on a roll lately.

The other day, a group of PETA protesters put a bad taste in my mouth (ha!) for vegetarians. A bad taste that I promptly washed out with a dinner of hot wings, steak, and bbq ribs. Now, I don’t give a shit what people eat (or don’t eat). If you’re happy being a vegetarian, then more power to you. If the demand for meat falls far enough, then prices will too, and that means that I can eat more. Everybody wins, right? But for the love of god, don’t think for one second that being a vegetarian makes you any better, or any more spiritual, or any more enlightened than I am. The spirituality of omnivorism is a blog post for another day, but for now, just accept that your dietary habits have nothing to do with salvation. Or enlightenment. Or anything else. Know who else ate meat? The Buddha. And Jesus Christ. And Mohammed. And Mother Teresa. And the Dalai Lama (Briefly. He once got sick trying to follow a vegetarian diet and had to eat meat for a while. He has since returned to a vegetarian diet). And every person who ever lived in a primitive or stone-age society, including Native Americans, who are some of the most spiritual people you’ll ever meet.

It pissed me off. Enter the shadow, which prompted me to post a very graphic description of just how much I love to eat meat on facebook. That’s not ok. I mean, granted, there are far worse things that could have come out of it. I could have gone back and doused the protesters with bbq sauce…just like they douse people with animal blood. That would have been funny. And landed me in jail, probably. But anyway, my post was offensive to some of my friends (and not just the vegetarians), and so I felt bad. Not really because they were offended (if I have learned anything over the past year, its that people are offended because of their own issues…I am not responsible for their feelings), but rather I was upset because I didn’t act from the same place of tolerance that I wanted. If you want to be treated with respect, respect others, n’est ce pas?

Last night, I did it again. I went to the store, and while I was there…I was approached by a church group who wanted to pray for me. Now, in case you didn’t know…there are two things I should share to put this in context. One, I am physically disabled, and use a wheelchair for mobility. Thus, I get a LOT of people who want to pray for me. Second, I abandoned Christianity over 25 years ago, and I never looked back. I have no ill will (anymore) to Christianity or to the Christian god. In fact, I think Jesus was a pretty cool dude. I don’t think he actually did half the shit people say he did, nor did he say half the shit that they say he said…and I absolutely reject the nonsense of a virgin birth or the begotten son of god…but I do think he had a good message that has since been perverted and twisted into a shadow of it’s true nature.

It doesn’t usually bother me when people want to pray for me. It doesn’t hurt me, and it makes them feel good about themselves, so I let them do it. I grin and bear it, and tell them what they want to hear when they ask me if I feel anything differently. I don’t really care what people believe, or what they don’t believe. I have a special place in my heart for atheists. You know why? Because they don’t bother people. They don’t try to convert people. God bless the atheists. But, I digress…back to the story:

Afterwards, it pissed me off, because all I could think about was how upset they would have been if I had tried to share my beliefs with them. If I had said anything about the Goddess, or Shaktism, or even just energy/magic…they would have been appalled. The praying would have REALLY begun at that point! And the more I thought about it, the more upset I got. This same thing happened with my family over the Christmas break. Always, I am expected to sit silently while people share their beliefs with me. Christians in this country have this sense of entitlement…like they can say  or do whatever the hell they want, but god forbid should you try to share your beliefs with them.

So, I did it again. I came home, and wrote a scathing post on facebook about Christians. And of course, someone took me to task for it. Then they unfriended me. It’s no loss…but still, I can;t help but think that maybe I should have kept my opinions to myself.

No, fuck that.

I have spent the first 37 years afraid of pissing people off because I did not wish to lose their friendship. I have spent the last year living for myself, quite content to be alone if that’s what it takes. What I have found is that people who really and truly love me accept me as I am, even if they don’t agree with me. Those who don’t, well, they fall away naturally and I don’t miss them for very long.

So what’s the point of this post? Honestly, I don’t really know. Partly, I want to apologize for my obnoxious behavior, but then again…I really don’t. I want to explain it, but I also feel like I shouldn’t have to. I’m tired of apologizing for not being perfect…for not always living in accordance with my own values. I am sorry that people get hurt, but since no one ever apologizes for hurting my feelings (I am often told that I am responsible for my own feelings, and so if I am hurt, that is my problem, not theirs), then I think I’m going to stop apologizing for stating my opinions. Sometimes, I really am an asshole though, and I don’t plan on stopping apologizing when I am genuinely wrong about something…I’m just tired of feeling responsible for how other people perceive me. I am me, both the good and the bad. I shouldn’t be afraid of expressing myself.

And maybe that’s the point of this. I want to see people as they really are…the good and the bad. I want to know my friends intimately…not just the parts they share with the world, but also the parts they keep hidden. I want to know when you are being a brat, or being selfish, or being “less than lovely”. I want to know your fears and your prejudices, your personal failings and your personal triumphs. I want to know your secret kinky fantasies and your dirty thoughts.

And I want you to know mine. My shadow is as much a part of me as my light, and I will not dim either one to make people more comfortable. Most of all, I want people in my life who understand that, and who will still love me even after I show my shadow side.

I’m not asking for anything I’m not willing to give in return. Is it too much to ask?

“Nothing you confess…could make me love you less. I’ll stand by you.” ~The Pretenders

Love Always,

Jay

 

 

 

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Shifting Focus

January 22, 2012 | Author: JaySchryer

photo by shawnzrossi

Join me in an experiment for a moment.

Inhale. Deeply. Let your lungs fill completely with air, and then hold it. Feel the pressure start to build, and notice how it increases steadily. No matter how much air you took in, eventually you have to let it out again.

Go ahead…let it out. Doesn’t that feel wonderful? The pressure releases and your whole body relaxes.

Before you inhale again…pause. Exhale completely, and force all the stale air out of your body. Exhale until it isn’t possible to blow out any more air. Now, hold that for a moment. Again, feel the pressure increase until you simply cannot stand it anymore.

Now, breathe in again. Feels good, doesn’t it?

OK, start breathing normally again…

As with breathing, so it is with life. All areas of life benefit from this exchange of energy: breathe in, breathe out. If you’ve ever studied The Artist’s Way by Julie Cameron, you know that this is how she teaches you to unblock your creative flow. You take yourself out on artist dates, and expose yourself to (inhale) art in all its varied forms. This exposure “fills your cup” so that when it comes time for you to create…to exhale your art…you have plenty of material to work with.

One of my purposes in life is to teach people magic—the deliberate application of energy to transform reality. I teach people how to access the universal flow of energy, hold it internally, and then release it to transform their lives. The process is exactly like breathing. In fact, that’s how I describe it when I apply it to my own life: I inhale Divine Love, and I exhale Magic.

Love works in the same way. You must balance the love you give others with the love you receive, or else the pressure builds internally until it becomes intolerable. If you give too much without allowing yourself to receive, then you run the risk of pumping your internal well dry. Likewise, if you receive more than you give, you run the risk of drowning.

(Drowning…in the sea of love…where everyone would love to drown…” ~Fleetwood Mac)

Which brings me to my point in this post: altruism.

Eleven years ago, I was devastated by a painful divorce. In the aftermath of that divorce, I set out to make myself a better person. I believed that I was unlovable, and I thought that if I could just make myself into a good enough person, then someone would love me and I would never have to feel that pain again.

Now, this thinking is faulty on many different levels…too many to go into here…and it has taken me all this time (and therapy) to see that. Perhaps the worst thing about it is that it led me to another faulty conclusion: Giving is good, taking is bad.

Somewhere along the way, I bought into this false notion that good people give, and bad people take; that giving is good and taking is bad. I believed that the way to become the best person I could be was to become the most giving person I could be. The more I gave away, the better I would be. “Giver” became like a computer virus. It became an over-riding subroutine running throughout every area of my life.

Honestly, I think that I wanted to be seen as a giver more than I actually wanted to give. I wanted the reputation of being a giver. I wanted to be the guy that everyone saw and said “That’s Jay…he’ll give you the shirt off his back.” I wanted to be seen as this amazingly altruistic spirit; a paragon of philanthropy.

And so, eventually, I did just that. I became the man I wanted to be. I became the most giving person you could imagine.

In my career, I dived into charity work. I worked as an Americorps VISTA volunteer for three years, living on a pittance while giving my best ideas to some worthy non-profit organizations. Then, I helped build two non-profits from the ground up. Then, I figured I could REALLY start to give if I had a nice paying job, and so I got one…just so I could give more money to charity and to my friends and family. The only (and I do mean only) reason I wanted more money was so that I could give away more money.

In my personal life, I started giving way more than I was willing to receive. I gave freely of my time, my talents, and my money to anyone who needed them, even if they didn’t ask. I looked for ways to help, even if my help wasn’t always needed or appreciated. Not surprisingly, I attracted many people in my life who were only too happy to take advantage of my generosity. But even when I knew I was being used, I brushed it aside by rationalizing it: If they are so willing to take it, they must need it more than I do, so I will be a good person by fulfilling their needs.

Up until about a month ago, if you had asked me the question “If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?“, my answer would have been automatic: I’d give most of it to charity, and then I’d pay off debts for my friends and family. If there was anything left over, I’d set up a trust fund for myself so that I never had to worry about money again.

The various events and circumstances that conspired to break me from this way of thinking aren’t important. There’s no one to blame (except myself), and no fingers to point. All that matters is that I finally figured out that I was “giving” from a place of low self esteem and insecurity, and now that I have healed those wounds which caused my low self esteem and insecurity, I no longer feel the need to sacrifice myself on the altar of other people’s happiness. I am worthy of love and respect, even if I won’t give you the shirt off my back anymore.

I have exhaled my altruism to the point of pain. It is now time for me to inhale; to receive. I am walking away from the martyr archetype, and stepping into a life of comfort and pleasure. This is my life, and I am shifting my focus to myself.

Be Good to Yourself,

Jay

 

 

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